Polar Bear- a bipolar blog

So.

2008-07-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a few (read:seven) blogs in my spare time, and after careful consideration, I have deleted my facebook and myspace accounts.

Insert horrified reactions here.

I know, I know, it actually makes sense to have a spot on networking sites, especially giants like myspace and facebook. Make all the Stone Age jokes you want, but I'm all set with my Skype, Gmail, AIM, and unlimited text messaging accounts. It just felt weird, knowing that someone could track me down. I deleted my xanga account over a year ago because some fat asian dude was visiting my web page on a daily basis.

As a sidenote, did you know that Google cannot legally tell you if someone (cough, the government, cough, cough) is looking at your account to find out your personal infromation?
Good thing I have nothing to hide, or I'd be really disgusted by this blatant invasion of privacy.

Oh, and my doctor appointment? I've been referred to someone who will make an ultrasound of my abdomen. Here I was, thinking ultrasounds were only for pregnant women. Silly me.

Ciao!!
Caraway

How to Eat a Mango

2008-07-08T17:36:00.000-07:00

The answer to this is pretty simple. I don't know why so many people find it counterintuitive.
Most people will carefully peel the skin and cut the meat of the fruit into bite-size slices.

You're supposed to eat a mango with your face.

Step one:
Find the perfect mango. Ideally, you want one that has come from the tree not long ago. It's flesh must be firm, yet supple, with the slightest amount of give when you squeeze it. Wash it well.

Step Two:
USE YOUR TEETH.
The skin of a mango is surpisingly easy to get rid of. Just use your teeth to rip it off in strips.

Step Three:
Eat the now-naked mango like an apple; hence the use your face reference. Eat it with gusto. The juice of the ripe mango will drip down your chin, run down your neck, and stain your shirt. In the end, you'll be sticky, dirty, and respendently satisfied.

Enjoy!

Ciao

Ahem

2008-07-06T04:59:00.000-07:00

*walks in, brushesdust off random surface*

Well, hey folks. Its been awhile. I've had a rough time of it, but that's no excuse.

In any case... Let's start over. I've wanted to do this for so very very long.

WEBCOMIC REVIEW
(please prepare for full-frontal nerdity)

Rice Boy
(http://www.rice-boy.com/)

If the works of Dr. Seuss and Tolkein were to meet in a bar, have a passionate affair, and never talk to one another again because of the awkward vibe, the product nine months later would probably look like this webcomic. This a completed story with lovely art and lovely complexity.
My favorite character is Gerund.

In other news, I have visited my extended family and moved across the country since I last wrote.

I have an appointment with the doctor of internal medicine. Mayhap she will explain my constant stomach pain.

With my recent luck, I'll have some rare disease that can only be cured if I lick the behind of a goat.

It's been a while

2008-05-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in long time. I have my reasons, though.
Life has been pretty crazy, what with moving and a second hospital stay.
But I'm making tha time to post more often, so, without further ado...

Help the medicine go down:

I have a really sensitive stomach, and alot of the medications I take really wreeak havoc on my digestive system. Here are a few tricks to getting medicine down and keeping it there.

Milk:
Drinking a glass of milk before taking certain antibiotics and vitamins helps coat the stomach so the medicine doesn't irritate it as much.

Apple Sauce:
For those really hard-to-swallow pills, take a big spoonful of apple sauce. This helps push the pill down and gets rid of any nasty aftertaste.

Grape Juice:
This is better than apple sauce when it comes to getting rid of aftertastes.

Peanut Butter:
For people who just can't seem to swallow pills. Jake a big glob of creamy peanut butter, put the pill inside, and swallow the peanut butter.

If you want to learn how to swallow pills, try what I did. Start off by swallowing tic tacs, then progress to m&m's. If you're still not ready after that, try swallowing crunched ice.

ciao
caraway

Poor man's coffee

2008-04-14T07:10:00.000-07:00

Mocha latte:

Fill a cup halfway with hot fresh coffee. Add one packet of instant hot chocolate mix. Add the rest of the coffee, stir and enjoy.

Cappucino:
Coffee+ice cream=cappucinno

That's pretty much it.

So, I used to go to very good prep school, but I had to leave on account of wanting to kill myself. I was granted a "medical leave" for my final semester. So I came home. I had already been diagnosed with depression (doctor's exact words: "It is quite clear to me that you are very depressed") when I went to my counselor's visit. Her first suggestion, after hearing me speak, was to have me go to a sort of rehab center for depressed people. Once there, I found out just how much of a danger I was to myself. After a few weeks of an outpatient program, I asked my doctor if I could possibly be bipolar. He said "Absolutely not." Of course my severe mood swings didn't point in the direction of bipolar disorder. He blamed it on my anger and anxiety issues.
However, after I left the outpatient program, it was clear to everyone that I was not getting any better. So, three months or so in to my med leave, my counselor says to me, "I think there is something very wrong with you." I'm paraphrasing here. She did use the phrase "There is something very wrong" though. She referred me to another psychiatrist, who immediately began asking all the right questions, like "Do you hallucinate?" "Do you hear voices?" "Do you still want to kill yourself ?" His diagnosis was that I had bipolar type two disorder. He actually said, "It's pretty clear to me that you are bipolar."
My issue is, that if everyone was so darned sure, why was it so hard to get to something that actually made sense?
Ah well. The final diagnosis explained my panic attacks, my rages, my OCD, my hallucinations, and my sudden mood swings.
If you know someone and think they might be bipolar, don't confront them about it unless they are hurting someone or themself. And if something like that does happen, offer support and not accusations. It is something that must be put to a doctor's attention. Remember, not everyone is bipolar. Instead of going straight to doctors with your conclusion, support them through their ups and downs. Understand that someone in a manic episode may not be able to help saying what they say and doing what they do.

Dealing with manias and depressions made me feel alienated sometimes, but my friends were always there for me.

Cheers,
~Caraway

Future plans

2008-04-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

The international market was beyond fun.
I managed to buy a pot full of hyacinths. Now my friends claim that they're stinking up the room. I rather like the scent.

In other news, I had a minor breakdown this morning. The stress of needing a job ( I has no money) and taking my friend's disabled grandmother for an outing was apparently far to much to handle all at once. So I yelled for a while, and then cried for a bit. Now I'm done.

My mother says I handled the situation better than she expected. Um...Yay?

Anyway, the point of this post was to intorduce some future goals.

My first goal is to make some money. I'm thinking of giving out Spanish lessons and tutoring at my mother's school. the plan would be to teach six kids at a time. So six kids, four different classes for four weeks at eight bucks per lesson per kid is just under eight hundred bucks.

Plus tutoring, which is ten to twelve dollars per hour, tutoring two kids at least... is nice money.

yay!

With this money I plan on buying Some pets and a nice moped.
The pets would keep me company, the moped would get me around.

The pets I have in mind are two robo hamsters and two spice finches.

Good idea, no?

I'll talk later.

~Caraway

Plans and suchness

2008-04-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

Eh.

Today was a so so day. I had a slight episode of ... let us say...overzealousness. I took some oil pastels and wreaked havoc on a cardboard box. The result was quite colorful, but none of pictures had good composition. Apparently Van Goh, who was also bipolar, had the same issue; there would be an increase in creativity, but the artwork he created during those periods was not comprehensive.

Plans for tomorrow?

I plan on going to an international farmers market for delicious veggies, odd looking fruit, and yummy spices.
More about my trip tomorrow.

My friend and I are planning on waking up early and watching the sunrise.
I'm not really sure how that works out, or even if it will. Here's hoping.

I'm also crossing my fingers for luck:
I'm applying for a job today!

Sweet dreams, or good afternoon. Wherever you are.
~Caraway

Intro

2008-04-06T11:18:00.000-07:00

Hey.

My name's Caraway. Obviously, I chose a pseudonym for this blog. Caraway is actually a type of herb used for it's rich and unique flavor.

The point of this blog is to share my life with my friends, and perhaps reach out to others like me; I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II. Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive disorder is pretty self explanatory. With it, a person will fluctuate between two poles: mania and depression. In type two, there is a milder form of mania called hypomania, followed by a crash-like depression. There is a macrocycle and a microcycle. The macrocycle repeats bout four times a year. The microcycles can happen within twenty-four hour periods.

Medication usually consists of mood stabilizers, which were originally made with lithium salts. Some people also take an anti-depressant.

I have created this blog to help people who are or think they might or know someone with this condition. The most important thing I can tell you is this:

Life goes on, with or without you. Prefeably with, but that is your choice.

It isn't a crutch, it isn't an excuse, it isn't a catch-all diagnosis. It also shouldn't be used this way.

Therefore, this blog is about life. Not just my disorder, but my life.